Pippy in Wonderland
by Phoenix Reece
Summary: Pippy gets a knock to the head and ends up in Wonderland! Can she escape the clutches of the Prickly Red Queen and other familiar faces to get back home? Pippy O' Hare's debut story!
1. Wandering to Wonderland

**Author's Note**

Hey, I know I'm supposed to be working on something else, buuuuut, I just got the idea and had to get it down on paper. You can't just bottle these things up now?

I'll just have to finish this one promptly; don't wanna drown in a sea of unfinished stories.

**Pippy In Wonderland:  
A vicious tale of ridiculous premise**

A bright and sunny day(Is it any other way) in Happy Tree Town. The Friends are soaking up the summer sun in the park, the ice cream truck has just begun its daily rounds, and it seems to be a perfect day in paradise. In fact, a group of pals had just gotten together for a pick-up game of baseball, the perfect summer pastime.

But, of course, our story shifts over to a less bright and sunny area. A back alley in the slums of HTT, where few tread. One Chunky the Koala had forgotten to bring his mitt to the baseball game, and had to race all the way home to pick it up, not wanting to keep anyone waiting. So on his return trip, he took the back alleys to save some time, too exhausted and drained from the heat to run any more.

As he went along through the alleys, he hummed that all familiar tune and even began to whistle. He sauntered by a trash can and it shook in response, spooking the easily frightened marsupial. Taking the chance, he prodded it again with his mitt,

"Hello, anyone there?" He stuttered, hoping there wasn't.

The trash can lid exploded off, and a familiar pair of white ears poked out from underneath. It was Pippy, the local Irish ragamuffin(Every town has to have one!).

Chunky sighed with relief , "Dumpster diving again Pips?"

She shrugged ,"Girl's gotta eat." She said, pulling a fish skeleton from the trash. She gnawed on it half-heartedly, still digging around for another morsel.

Chunky's conscience got the better of him, "Pippy, if you're really hungry a few of us are going to play baseball out in the park. You could play too, and we're gonna have a little barbeque afterwards. I mean, only if"

But Pippy heard Barbeque and already had pounced on Chunky, hugging him tightly, "Can I really Guv? I ain't had a decent Barbeque since I visited my cousin Tessi down south!"

Chunky winced, her dumpster diving escapades left her sleek with grime, and he only hoped a priest could remove the smell from his T-shirt. But, something else smelled fishy, "Wait, you have a cousin Tessi, down south?"

"Second twice removed, she's a nice dormouse she is." Chunky gave her a sideways look, "Hey! Don't look at me like that, yer mother's a squirrel, yer dad's a grizzly and yer a koala! At least me and Tessi are both Rodentia!"

"Well, I suppose, but…" He sighed, and began out the alleyway, Pippy close behind.

….

"And it's another splendid day at Happy Tree Park, where the reigning champs Flippy's Fighters are up against the underdogs Cuddles' All Stars. It's bound to be a spectacular sight, what do you say Sniffs?" Toothy recited his broadcast into his cremesicle as if it were a Mic from the sidelines.

Sniffles, seated next to him only shook his head in frustration.

"Exactly what I was thinking," Toothy continued, " Bottom of the ninth two outs, Mime on third and the All Stars are down by one. All Lumpy, the clean-up, has to do is get Mime to home and we're going into overtime, or even better, if he can secure a home run now we're seeing a new team of champions today!"

"Toothy, this is a game of friends, there's only five people on each team, and we don't have a regulation baseball team to start with." Sniffles' finally snapped. A hush, before Toothy just decided to ignore him.

" And here's Lumpy, one strike!" He shouted, as the game went on, "Not a good start, can he get past Nutty's erratic throwing style? AH! A swing and another miss! It's "Casey at Bat" all over again!" Lumpy needs to clutch it right here and right now, here's the pitch, it's hot! It's really hot! Can Tree Town's lumbering Slugger keep up? It's… It's…"

A spectacular miss. Lumpy threw everything he had into that last swing, but to no avail. Cuddles and his team groaned in defeat, and everyone on Flippy's team began to celebrate until Flaky called to the sky. Something was indeed flying through the air. It wasn't the ball, it was Lumpy's bat! He lost his grip in the swing and now it was whirling through the field. Everyone immediately threw themselves to the ground to avoid it.

Meanwhile, Pippy, who had opted not to even participate in the game was all the way across the park, enjoying her fifth hamburger, when the sound of something rushing through the air caused her to look up from her plate.

"Woss all tha-"

_SMAAAAAAASH!_

…..

Pippy slipped out of consciousness, dreaming for a little while. Some people would find a little girl, let alone a little rabbit girl, napping in the grass to be a adorable sight. But, this little rabbit girl had just been clocked with a baseball bat at mach speed, so most anyone who saw her would be initially worried about her well being, and the enormous weld that traveled down the length of her face, right between her eyes.

But, she wasn't where anyone could see her, at least not now. Slowly, she regained consciousness, as if only seconds had passed. Sitting up, blinking her eyes until they could adjust to her dim surroundings. An enormous forest surrounded her from all but her backside, and it was as if the trees themselves were bending above her to block out the twilight that was setting in. But she appeared to be on the edge of the forest, and looking out to the sea.

Not entirely sure where she was, the young rabbit decided to look out to the sea to get her bearings. But, upon reaching the cliff, she was more confused than she was when she found herself in this bizarre place. Across the ocean she saw a storm brewing, something out of a pirate story, with several serpents coiling out of the ocean and back in again. And even beyond that she could see several enormous, multicolored mushrooms dotting the skyline, and giant tropical birds swooping above them and picking glow worms from the giant fungi.

"Oh my god…" She mumbled, "Maybe what they say about little girls havin' too much whiskey before dinner is true.."

She reached behind her tiny plaid skirt and tossed a bottle of whiskey over the ledge, and watched as it plummeted several dozen feet to the swirling sea below her.

"Well, that's one monkey off my back, but I'm gonna need to get home somehow…" She muttered, and fell on her posterior in despair. Staring out into the sea, she began to wonder, "How in the hell did I even get out here? I'm doomed, I'll never get home!"

Pippy didn't even realize she was shouting, and threw herself to the ground pounding the rocky cliff with her tiny rabbit paws. And she also didn't know she wasn't alone in the forest.

"Oh me, oh my!" A voice, seemingly panicked, called from the forest. Accompanied with heavy, yet oddly quick footsteps.

"Hey! Who's out there?" Pippy shouted into the thick woods, and almost instantly ran out a familiar, chubby Koala. But, he seemed different. His clothing especially, he was dressed like something out of a renaissance fair, in a black and red court herald's uniform. He was eying a gold pocket watch, and had a bug catching net underneath his arm.

"Oh deary me, I'm running late!" He groaned, and ran towards the cliff, still watching his time. He leaned out over the cliff with the net, and on cue a fish leapt from the depths and landed in the net. He almost sprinted away, but Pippy caught him by the coattails and halted him in place.

"What are you doing? If I don't get this fish to the Red Queen soon she'll have my head!" He shouted, still trying to run away.

"Red Queen, what are you talking about Chunky?"

The koala stopped altogether, and adjusted his glasses, "Chunky? I'm afraid you have me confused for someone else." He did a quick bow, "I'm the White Koala, messenger and herald of the Red Queen's court."

Pippy eyed him suspiciously, "But, you're not white at all!"

He fell to his knees and put a finger to his lips, "Shh! I look white in the right light! At least that's what the Queen thinks. If she finds out I'm not really white she'll,"

A single, shrill voice boomed over the entire forest, and shook the birds from the trees.

"_**Where is my dinner!"**_

The Koala broke into a cold sweat, and his knees began shaking.

"Oh me! Oh my! The Queen!" He began wailing, and suddenly sprinted off, leaving Pippy all alone at the forest's edge. As he ran, Pippy swore she could see tears in his eyes.

"Wot in the hell was that?" She asked herself. And of course, she could produce no answer herself. So, after as much thought a tipsy ten-year-old Irish rabbit could put into something, Pippy had decided her best bet would be to wander through the forest aimlessly, hoping to return home.

….

Of course, this proved to be one of her worst ideas yet, as the forest proved to be thick and expansive as one could imagine, not to mention the various sounds the unspeakable creatures made as she tip-toed her way through the darkened woods.

The sun had just gone down, and she was running out of time to get out of here before something caught and ate her, or even worse. One could only imagine, after seeing giant sea snakes and birds the size of jet airliners, what horrors lurked in the forest at night. With this state of mind, the normally strong-willed Pippy had lost her reserve, and everything seemed a threat.

To her, that rock looked like a lizard, the branch looked like a snake, and it even seemed one of the trees was smiling at her.

"Wait a minute…" She grew cold with fear, "That tree _IS _smiling!" She hopped backwards, and the smile peeled itself off the tree, and an entire body formed around it. He was a purplish creature, that seemed a bear, but had a long, flowing, striped tail. And above all was his humungous smile, that was almost frightening in its size.

Whoever it was, it seemed almost like the Disco Bear she knew from Town, but after her encounter with the "White Koala" she didn't want to risk another mistake.

"Who are you?" He asked, swaying his tail playfully.

"Better question is who are you?" She snapped back, but he wagged his finger,

"Uh-uh. I asked first, now be polite and introduce yourself," He giggled, his tone was slicker than oil, but bounced like a rubber ball.

"Fine, I'm Pippy O'Hare, and you are?"

"Oooh! Pippy, what a delightful name. I'm the Disco Kat."

"Cat? But you're a bear!"

He smiled and shook his head, "No darling, a Kat. With a 'K'. As in 'Kool Kat'"

"Well that's a dumb name."

He smiled again, and turned his back on her, "Well, if you don't like my name, then I'll guess I'll be off.." He sashayed a few steps away before Pippy pulled his tail.

"Wait! Don't go. Look, I'm lost, can you help a girl out? Like, where am I anyway?" Pippy glanced around the forest, still bewildered by it's sight.

"Why darling, you're in Wonderland!"

"Wonderland? How in the hell did I get to Wonderland?"

"I don't know. It's a wonder how anyone gets here. Hence the name?" He gave her another mad grin.

She huffed, "Well, if you don't know how I got here, how about telling me how to get home!"

"Well, I suppose I can," He pondered the thought. "You'd have to find a door if you want to go home."

"A door?"

"Well, it's much more than that, you'd need to find the right door to go home."

"Well, where can I find the right door?" She asked, and the Kat shrugged his shoulders, "Well fine! If you can't help I'll find the door myself! I bet that Red Queen could help me…"

The Kat suddenly broke into laughter, "Oh, I think helping someone is the last thing the Queen would do."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, well, have you ever heard about someone having, 'A sharp tongue'?" Pippy nodded, "Well, with the Queen, she's got a lot of sharp things. Particularly,"

He was interrupted by that same voice, still as horrifyingly loud as before,

"_**OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"**_

Pippy was taken by surprise, and leapt back, holding her neck in shock. The Kat only nodded slowly.

"See what I mean?"

"Well, maybe I'll just find someone else to ask…" She started off into the woods again, when The Kat stopped her again.

"Honey," he pointed, "The nearest exit's that way."

Pippy nodded and continued in a new direction, not stopping to thank the Disco Kat.

"Oh, an Pippy!" He called again, and she turned to him, "Try not to start a fight with the caterpillar, she's quite the eccentric type."

Pippy shot him a quizzical look and shook her head, trying not to think about what would happen when she met this "Caterpillar"

* * *

So, I got this idea randomly, just thinking about how rude Pippy is, and how polite Alice is from "Alice in Wonderland". So I decided it would be fun to swap them around, and put Pippy in Wonderland, just for fun.  
And this is technically her first independent story. Yay!

P.S. I snuck in an Earthbound reference, for those who have played that classic SNES game.


	2. The Caterpillar and The Duchess

**Author's Note**

Bienvenidos amigos, a otra historia maravillosa. Como ustedes saben, hoy es mi cumpleaños y para celebrar que estoy actualizando todos mis historias principales.

Así que siéntate y disfruta….

**Pippy In Wonderland**

Of course, Pippy paid no mind to practically anything that weird cat had to say. The little white rabbit jogged, with no serious idea of where she was headed, through the thicket. Halfway through, she stopped to catch her breath, but instead, caught a whiff of something, odd. Something that didn't belong in a forest.

"Cinnamon buns?" She began salivating. Even that barbeque she gorged herself at had not fully satisfied the pint-sized and insatiable rabbit, and she ran off, sniffing the air to catch her trail on the way to whatever bakery she had stumbled upon.

But, she hadn't stumbled upon a bakery, oh no, she instead, found nothing but mushrooms! Strangely enormous mushrooms, she noticed immediately. They were the size of dinner tables, and seemed to occupy a three yard clearing in the forest. But, that smell persisted. In fact, she began to smell more bizarre, out of place scents.

"Peanuts," She sniffed the air, "And vanilla. Pine trees, and wot's that…."

"Parsley and sage, my dear." A feminine voice answered her, and she turned to find a skunk sitting on one of the mushrooms. She looked just like that one girl,

"Err, wot's the name… Petunia?" She snapped her tiny fingers with delight, "Yeah, that's it! Petunia!"

The skunk stared at her, just as confused as the little rabbit that wandered into her grove. She laughed, covering her mouth like a Victorian maid.

"Ohhohoh, dear, my Name isn't Petunia, I'm The Caterpillar!" She smiled, and jumped off the mushroom, her skunk tail trailing behind her. It was much longer than Petunia's, it made her resemble some blue furry snake, or perhaps a caterpillar.

"Wait a minute, you're not a catapilla!" Pippy watched her go by, and tugged on her tail, wanting an answer.

"Well, I don't make a very good skunk." She laughed, and continued walking, Pippy, still hanging on, dragging behind her. The Caterpillar stopped by a mushroom where several glass vials were lined up. She took a straw from another mushroom, and sucked up the fumes contained in one of the bottles, exhaling it above her. Pippy watched in astonishment as the smoke formed a giant chocolate bar, nuts and all, above them, before diffusing into the wind.

"You see? I'm not smelly at all. And the Red Queen decided since I don't smell bad, I shouldn't be called a skunk."

"But a catapilla? That doesn't make sense." She sniffed The Caterpillar's breath as she talked, it smelled of chocolate and almonds.

"Well, the Red Queen had never seen a caterpillar before, so she decided I should be one. And now I just sit here in the forest, sniffing my perfumes and puffing them into the wind. And, if I may ask, what is your name?"

"Well, I'm Pippy a' course."

The Caterpillar cocked her head, and lifted Pippy up with her enormous tail. It coiled around her, and held her upside-down in front of the skunk. She looked closely at Pippy's bare feet, and caught a whiff of her unwashed, sweaty little paws, and gagged. She set the rabbit down and turned to her perfumes again.

"Well, you're not wearing any longstockings, so your name is silly too." Before Pippy could respond, The Caterpillar inhaled a cloud of purple perfume and spewed it out over Pippy, who began gagging and coughing. The smoke formed into little flowers all around her, and she now reeked of petunias.

"There we go, now you smell much better. Petunias, like you said earlier."

Pippy squinted angrily, "Yeah, great, thanks a ton. By the way, you mentioned the Red Queen, any idea where I might find her?"

The Caterpillar suddenly looked very shocked. She turned around quickly and dabbled with her perfume bottles again, and this time turned around and puffed her with some green smoke. Pippy caught wind of it and began coughing violently, her eyes watering. She swiped away at the smoke and saw it form little green eggs before being blown away.

"There!" The Caterpillar was holding her nose now, and even still her eyes were watering, "Rotten eggs! You wanna act rotten so can I!"

Pippy sniffed her armpit and gagged, she was drenched in the odor, "Wot in the hell did you do that for? All I did was ask-"

The Caterpillar cut her off, "About the Queen! And you just want to go and waltz right up to her? Why, if you go and bother her she'll figure out who told you about her and then they'd come after me! Just the thought of it makes me wanna take up smoking!" And without another word, The Caterpillar stormed off, her long flowing tail close behind.

And there was Pippy, alone again. Or atleast, it seemed that way. As she said there, rubbing her still empty belly, when a smile appeared beside her. At first, she didn't notice, but then,

"Oh Helllooo Pippy!" She jumped back, startled.

"What the, Disco?" She grabbed the smile out of the air. It still grinned, with that same goofy grin, and began to speak again,

"And how did you enjoy your stay with the Caterpillar?" It asked,

"Not so great, where's the rest of you?" The smile hesistated, and finally said,

"Well, I noticed everything didn't go, smoothly. The rest of my body… well it doesn't want to be near you. You reek. In fact, I can taste the air around you, and let me tell you, I've aways hated eggs."

Pippy shot a furious glance at the smile, and lifted her rear off the mushroom she had taken a seat on, and placed the smile underneath her before sitting back down, hard. She then ground the smile deep against her furry butt, enjoying her sweet revenge far more than she had thought. Finally, she sat up, and peeled the smile off her eggy keister, which now looked a bit worse for the wear.

"Oh… dear.. I'm gonna be sick." The lips puckered up, as if holding back an upchuck, and then swallowed hard. "I hereby retract my earlier comment."

"Now, about that Queen, where can I find her?"

"Pippy, I don't think it's a good idea.." Pippy raised her paw up in the air, revealing her foul underarm, and the smile thought quick, "I don't think it's a good idea to wait! The Queen's very impatient, and you could ask the Duchess to take you to the castle!"

"The Duchess? Is she a friend of the Queen?"

"Yes, and she lives right down the way from here. But Pippy, before you go. Puh-leeeeze use one of those perfume bottles, the Duchess, and even More so the Queen won't have any tolerance for a funk like that!"

Pippy rolled her eyes and dabbled on some vanilla perfume before tossing away the smile and heading on her way.

…..

Within the hour she'd found a rather large cottage, where she assumed the Duchess lived. She walked up to the large wooden door at the front and pounded it with her tiny paws…

No Answer.

She smacked the door harder, and still no response. She thought for a moment, and walked back down the cobblestone path to the cottage, hoping to find a sizable rock to toss through the cottage window, and she walked right into a rabbit, that looked just like that rabbit Cuddles. The only difference was he had a spear in one hand, and a bag of groceries in the other, along with some ridiculous helmet with a strange emblem of a pickle on the front.

"Was that you knocking?"

"Who are you?" Pippy ignored his question.

"Who me? Why I'm the pink footman."

Pippy shook her head in anger, "This is stupid, you're not even pink!"

The Footman shook his head, and lifted one foot. He was wearing pink rabbit slippers, the same he always wore. Pippy let out a groan, the quality of that pun was bad enough to make her sick.

"Now, was that you knocking?" He asked again, heading towards the door.

"Yeah, what of it?" Pippy hopped in front of him, bobbing back and forth with her paws raised to guard her face, "Think because you got a spear you can boss me around?"

"No, not at all, it's just silly, because I'm supposed to open the door, and you're here knocking on it. Maybe if we were on opposite sides of the door then you could knock and I could open it, but we're not. So all that silly knocking of yours isn't helping. Watch." He opened the door, which had apparently been unlocked the whole time, and walked inside, closing it before Pippy could enter.

She waited outside for a few minutes, tapping her foot on the stones, when the door opened a crack and the Footman whispered,

"You're supposed to knock now." Pippy groaned and knocked again, this time the Footman opened it wide, standing at attention with his spear at his side.

"Welcome to the home of her royal beauty the Duchess, who for liability reasons is most certainly not more beautiful or more fair than her majesty the Queen." He rushed the last part, and Pippy hurried by him before he started off on some other stupid tangent. She wandered through the cottage, which was far larger than it had looked outside, for some time, until she caught the scent of food in the air again.

"Cor blimey! That smells like a serious stew!" She sniffed the air again, following some trail of her own. Until she reached a pair of double doors, and on the other side she was greeted with an enormous

"_**Aaachooo!"**_

"Gesundheit." Pippy wiped the spittle off her face and entered the kitchen, where a Mouse, much like one of Flippy's war buddies, was stirring up a stew. Every time he added a new ingredient, he made sure to coat the top of the stew with a pile of pepper from a large tin.

"Potatoes and pepper, carrots and pepper..Ah-achoo!" He turned away this time, much to Pippy's relief, "Oh Faulderdash and Pepperhash." He spoke in a thick French accent.

"'Ey, what's up with that stew? Yer gonna ruin it if you keep adding pepper."

"Excuse me? EXCUSE ME?" He flung a handful of pepper in Pippy's face, thoroughly pippering Peppy. (Er, I mean, Pipping Pepper. I mean. Oh darn it.) Pippy was thrown into a sneezing fit, and the Chef began angrily waving his stew and pepper soaked mixing spoon around.

"Heh! Too much pepper? How long have YOU been cooking for the Duchess ,I wonder, ma petite fille de lapin malodorantes?"

"Wot did you just call me? Why I oughta…" She was nearly at the chef's throat, when a lamb, dressed in a thick royal gown, makeup piled on her face and a bundle cradled in her arms, entered the kitchen. She clicked her tongue, and addressed the Chef.

"Chef? I'm still waiting for my Pepper Stew, and I need to have it quickly or I'll be late for the croquet match. And the moral of that is, 'Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today?'"

"Yes mademoiselle, of course mademoiselle. The Footman just needed to run out and grab some more pepper, it's nearly done." He went back to peppering his stew quietly, and the Duchess turned to the small Rabbit who had wandered into her kitchen.

"And who are you little one?" She sniffed he air around her, "Ah, let me guess, your name is Vanilla."

"No, It's not."

"Ah, then it must be Cream. And the moral of that is 'The proof is in the pudding!'"

Pippy cocked her head to the side, "That doesn't make any sense! Besides, my name ain't Vanilla or Cream, it's Pippy!"

The Duchess smiled warmly, "Oh, what a wonderful name! And the moral of that is 'A rabbit of any other name would smell as sweet.' It's a much nicer than my little baby's name. PICKLE!" She shook the bundle in her arms angrily, which terrified Pippy.

"Whoah! Wot the hell lady! Yer not supposed to shake a baby."

"This isn't a baby. It's a PICKLE!" She shook the bundle wildly again. She paused suddenly, and looked at the clock hung on the wall. "Oh my, it's nearly time for the croquet match! Chef, please put the stew on simmer, I need to leave quickly or the Queen will be very cross. Here, you may hold my baby." She handed Pippy the bundle and exited the same way she came, leaving with one last,

"And the moral of that is, 'You can't always have your stew and eat it!'"

"Well wasn't she weird," Pippy began to unravel the bundle to get a glimpse at this poor, abused baby, and when she finally did she dropped the bundle in shock. "Cor Blimey! It really IS a pickle!"

She looked back and forth, suddenly remembering where she needed to be, and ran off after the Duchess.

* * *

Whoah, sorry for that up there, I got a hold of some crazy taquitoes. Go use google translator if my author's notes are that important to ya.

For those of you quite thoroughly confused, GOOD! And I snuck in a reference to a certain blue blurr, if anyone can spot it.

Anyhow, enjoy my birthday all.

(Flamers will be forced to sniff Pippy's rancid armpits.)


	3. The Hatter's Teaparty

**Author's Note**

You know, it's really fun writing, when you write about something close to you. Alice in wonderland's always been a favorite of mine, and now, I can work my comedic "Magic" with the story, and spice it with a bit of HTF flavor.

And Pippy, ah it's nice to incorporate a new OC like her. In fact, OCs are just fun in general, it's like the world's nicest multiple personality disorder. While we're talking about her, let me tell you how Pippy came about. I had always wanted a Female OC, but I wasn't sure where to go. I decided she'd be surly, unlike these sweet as sugar ones we already have(No offense) and when the opportunity came about, I added her Irish heritage for a bit of extra zing(Also little girls drinking whiskey is hilariously offensive)

As for her personality, I always base my OCs on something swimming in my mind. Chunky was a bit of Me and Harold from TDI in equal measure. Mumbo was a mash of (Princess and the Frog), The Spy(Team Fortress 2), and Marquis De Carabas(Neverwhere). But Pippy? Well, Pippi longstocking would be the first in many people's minds, but I got most of her personality from Ashley Spinelli from that old cartoon Recess. Funny, huh?

**Pippy In Wonderland**

Pippy leapt and bounded through the forest, trying to find where that lamb, The Duchess as she was called, had ran off to. She had only had a bit of a head start on the rabbit, Pippy had to take some time to find her way out of the large house, and even then she needed to ask the Footman where the Duchess had gone off to.

It was really starting to work her nerves, she had no idea how a Lamb in an enormous victorian dress like that could possibly get so far ahead of her. She was a rabbit, after all, and it wasn't easy to move faster than a rabbit. But, she was lost, running after a stranger in a strange land, through a forest that she was lost in only a few moments ago. And to top it all off, she was tired, sweaty, and her fur had been snagged by the branched of the trees one too many times. She paused to breathe for a moment, leaning up against one of the large, white tree trunks that surrounded this neck of the forest. As she rested, Pippy ran her little paws down her patchy gingham skirt, trying to brush off the dirt and pepper it had accumulated. It had even been torn, leaving more holes than usual, after her run in the woods. Not that it was the nicest skirt to begin with, mind you, she had been living in a dumpster with no other clothing available.

Finally, she collapsed, her back against the trunk, gasping for air and fuming in the head, "God damnit! I'm never getting out of this hell hole!" Pounding her legs like a baby, she wailed and wailed, throwing a tantrum. Her crying melded into a string of curses, some ridiculous and unintelligible coupled with her accent, but needless to say she had quite a sailor mouth. She stood up, suddenly, and pounded the enormous white tree trunk behind her, and much to her surprise, with each drum-like "thump" her hands slipped off. She certainly wasn't hitting tree bark, that's for sure. Risking a glance up at the sky, she realized just what she was standing under,

A giant mushroom. Her little pounding paws had shaken up the fungi and before she could react a cloud of purplish, glittery spores descended on her and clotted her vision. She hacked and weezed, but never thought to cover her mouth from the cloud of "magic dust". Everything in sight began to twist and contort around her, and she stumbled blindly into a spectrum of winding colors, everything pulsing around her. For a moment Pippy swore she could see shapes in the endless tunnel her reality had become, faces and animals formed before her in stars and lines and then broke apart suddenly. Everything was twice as confusing as it had been before, and that was saying something considering she had only just recently met a lamb who cradled a pickle like her baby.

Between the stumbling, cries of "Whoah" and "Trippy", the little rabbit had twisted and turned her way ever deeper into the forest, having even less sense of rhyme and reason than she had before. Then, her colorful world shattered in an instant, leaving her lying, face down, in the dirt.

…

"She's dead, gotta be." A voice above her, sounding vaguely familiar, Pippy was still wrestling with a splitting headache and refused to so much as open her eyes to see who or what was so close to her.

"Contrariwise, she could easily have just passed out."

"No way!"

"Contrariwise!"

Finally, the already impatient rabbit had reached her limits, with whoever was arguing over her risking serious injury, as she leapt up.

"Okay now what do you idiots not understand about somebody sleeping! I want qui…et?" she rubbed her eyes, and double checked to make sure she was actually seeing what she was. Shifty and Lifty, the two raccoon twins, stood in front of her. Dressed from head to toe in the most ridiculous get-ups she'd seen all day. And that was saying something.

Each one of them wore bright red suspenders, a pastel yellow shirt under and a tiny blue bowtie on their little collars. And, most confusing of all, the fedora Shifty wore, the only way to tell the two cons apart, was gone. Instead, they both wore red propeller caps.

"Hey girl," One of the brothers said after a short pause, "Ain't you got any manners?"

"Doesn't look like it Dum, no how." The other brother said

"Contrariwise, she looks like a fine little girl, aren't you?"

"No how!"

"Contrariwise!

"Alright enough, enough, enough!" Pippy pushed herself between the two raccoons, who were nearly at each other's throats, "Who in the 'ell are you?"

"Why, I'm Tweedle-Dee," The first brother extended his hand, she reached for it, but the other brother shook his hand instead,

"And I'm Tweedle-Dum, pleasure to meet you," Dum said to his brother, as if it were the first time they'd met.

"No how, the pleasure's all mine," Dee said.

"Contrariwise, I,"

"STOP THAT!" Pippy knocked one of the brothers, Dee if she had to guess, over and he landed on the forest floor with a resounding _Crunch_. There was a biting silence, before the shocked raccoon brother nervously stood, and peeled something, a dented and crushed rattle from under his overalls. Dum looked horrified, before he ran over and picked the rattle from his brothers fingers, in several pieces.

"My rattle! My nice new rattle!"

"I'm sorry Dum, I didn't mean it, no how!"

"My nice new rattle, it's spoiled!" He threw the broken bits of plastic away and eyed his brother, gritting his teeth, "You realize, of course, we now must have a battle."

Dee shook his head sadly and brushed off his suspenders, "I suppose…"

"You! Little smelly rabbit, grab us those armaments!" One of the raccoon brothers pointed to a nearby pile of what looked like toys, and Pippy, surprisingly enough, obliged.

"Listen, I don't get why the 'ell you're fighting over that dumb rattle, but if you'll leave me alone when this is over," Pippy muttered as she tied pillows to their chests, and handed them each a rubber chicken. She honestly had no idea what pillows and rubber chickens were doing in the middle of the woods, but she had stopped asking questions a while ago.

"Okay, now are you two all set for your little battle?" She asked, tying off the last knot on Dee's "Armor"

The two raccoon brothers suddenly looked very sheepish.

"I would be, but I have a toothache," Dum moaned, "I can't fight like this, no how."

"And I have a tummy ache," Dee chimed in.

Pippy tossed her hands in the air, "Crimeny! You two are a bunch of cowards, on top of already being idiots!" She grabbed Tweedle Dum by his suspenders, and pulled him in unpleasantly close.

"Listen half wit, you saw what that guy did to yer rattle, right? Are you gonna let him get away with that?"

Tweedle Dum's back straightened up, and he took on a valorous look, "No how!"

"And you!" She grabbed Tweedle Dee and shook him, "See how he's making you look like a crook, how dare he, you're not just gonna look the other way on that one, eh pally?"

"Contrariwise!" Tweedle Dee's posture mimicked his brother, and they stood, nose to nose and staring each other in the eye. Pippy leaned back on a tree to watch, and just as she did the two Tweedles let into each other. First with the rubber chickens, then with a series of slaps. By the time the fight was over, Pippy was curled up, clutching her sides from laughter, as Tweedle Dee jumped onto Tweedle Dum's head and rode his brother out of the woods, still taunting and cursing at each other.

For a good while she sat, laughing alone in the woods, before she realized she was alone again. Pippy pulled herself up again, and made to leave the thicket the way she came, before she noticed a familiar set of grinning lips, only this time the entire Kat was behind them.

"Hello there, my little funkette, how goes the trip through the Wonderland woods?"

Pippy, still chuckling softly, wiped a tear from her eye, "Oooh, I think I'm getting used to it. But I suppose I ought to find that Queenie you've been talking about so I can get home."

Disco looked a bit shaken at the idea, "Uh, babydoll, you really don't wanna go see the queen, _especially_ if you're gonna go around calling her Queenie. She hates that."

"Crimeny, is there anything she doesn't hate?"

Disco put a hand on his chin to think, "Uh, Raspberry Tarts, but aside from that nothing. Oh wait! No, she hates that too."

"Well, just point me in the direction of a bakery and then the castle so I can get this Queen to send me home." Pippy started to walk away, but Disco reappeared in front of her again,

"Now, hold on sweetie, who said the Queen would help you get home?"

"Well, I uh, just kind of assumed that she'd be the one who'd be able to get me home, because that's how it always goes!"

"Honey, if you think this is the Wizard of Oz, you're in the wrong play, for reals." Disco joked.

"Fine, well then who _can _get me home, eh wise guy?" Pippy raised her petite paws, balled into fists, "And if you crack another joke I'll crack _you!"_

The kat drew back, his entire body stretching away in shock, and he yelped, "Okay! Okay! Let's not get make this situation, un-copasetic, eh baby?"

"Call me baby again, I dare ya."

"The hatter! The mad hatter! He's right down that neck of the woods, now please calm down!"

She glanced towards the forest, then back at the kat, "He'll know how I can get home?"

"Well, he knows a lot of things…." Disco was obviously nervous.

"If this doesn't pan out," She pulled him over by the neck of his purple suit, "You're on my list."

"Erm, what list is that?"

"I'd tell ya," She released him, smiling broadly, "But you'd ruin yer outfit when wet yerself."

And with that, the kat slowly faded, his knees knocking. Pippy sighed, and headed off in the direction the kat pointed her in, barely finding the momentum left in her heart to skip or even bound. She didn't care about making it home in time, in fact, she barely cared about anything save for her stomach, which was empty once again. As the trip went on, she tried to time her steps with the gurgling, and then she sang an off tune song to try and ward off her hunger as she trudged on, no hatter in sight.

"Wot if all the rain drops were lemondrops n' gumdrops, oh what a rain that'd beeeee!" She was moaning more than she was singing, honestly. But the strangest thing happened as she sang. Music was picking up with her, whistling tunes could be heard. Now, Pippy was absolutely certain she wasn't in a musical(At least this time) and immediately darted off towards the sound, finding a small cottage in a clearing. The doors were locked and the lights were out, but she wasn't interested in the cottage. She followed the whistling over to the garden in the back, and peered into the wooden gate.

Before her was an enormous tea table, stretching far further than any reasonable table could be, in fact Pippy was certain it was longer than the house beside it. The whistling, astonishingly enough was coming from the pots, hundreds and hundreds of tea pots were laid out on the table. They all bounced and whistled an elaborate song, spouting steam and droplets of tea across the table, each whistle in harmony with another. She could hear other voices singing, but with the billows of steam rising into the air she could barely make out the figures of them, and endeavored to pass through the gate and find her own seat, closer to the singers.

She peered through the cloud and could make out the forms of two familiar faces, one was that bear, Pop, and the other was that grouchy crocodile that lived in the swamps, Mumbo his name was. She bent an ear in their direction, and listened into their song, as they sang and poured cupfuls of tea into their mouths.

_POP  
(MUMBO)  
Aaaaaaaaaaaaa  
Very merry unbirthday, to me!  
(To who?)  
To me!  
(Oh you!)_

_A very merry Unbirthday,_  
_To you!_  
_(Who me?)_  
_Yes you!_  
_(Oh me!)_

_Let's all congratulate us  
with another cup of tea!_

_A veeeery merry unbirthdaaaaaaaayy_

_To yooou!_

` Their song ended abruptly, as Pippy began clapping from across the table. The two to noticed her immediately, and became shocked. They both dashed across the table, yelling and knocking teapots across the ground.

"No room! No room! No room! No room! No room!" They slid to a halt, and landed in the chairs beside her, looked down on their guest.

"Wot the 'ell do you mean, no room? Look at all this space!"

"Well," The bear said, pouring tea into an empty cup beside her, "It's rude to sit down without being asked, isn't it?"

"I suppose, but,"

"But nothing," The crocodile cut her off, and took of his large purple tophat, "You hardly know our names. Mine's Inspector Cornelius Mumbo Jumbo Jeremiah D.D.S. the third, but you can call me The Mad Hatter."

"Why do they call ya the Mad Hatter?"

He smiled, and poured a steaming pot of tea into his hat, before placing it onto his head, "Because I'm completely and totally insane, of course! Tea?" He lifted the top hat and revealed a full china cup of tea perched on his head.

"Well, if yer offering I'd love some!" And the Hatter Nodded his head, before placing the hat on her, and pulled it off to reveal another cup perched on her large floppy ears. She took it off carefully and sipped it, before the bear slid onto the table, knocking over everything but her cup, which she held up in a fright.

"And me, you can call me the March Bear. Sugar?" He took a small sugar bowl and offered it to her, but when she pulled the lid, a little baby bear, half awake, poked his head out.

"A very merry unbirthday… to you!" He said, drowsily.

"And who's this, the dormouse?"

"That's ridiculous, that's my son, Cub! Does he even look half like a mouse?"

"Well, to fit in a sugar bowl like that, he'd have to be as big as a mouse, so the way I see it he might as well be a mouse!"

"Do you really mean what you say?" The Hatter asked, and she pouted,

"I say what I mean, that's the same thing."

The Mad Hatter and the March Bear shook their heads in unison, and then each took a sip of tea, before the bear responded, "Not the same thing at all, no, no. Why you might as well say 'I get what I want' is the same thing as 'I want what I get'"

The Hatter added, "Yes, why, you might as well say 'I have what I want' is the same thing as 'I want what I have'"

And Cub poked his head from the sugar bowl again, yawned, and listlessly spoke, "You might as well say 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same as 'I sleep when I breathe'"

"It is the same with you!" Pippy shouted, scaring the baby back into the sugar bowl, "Listen, I need to find a way out of here and fast, so you two just point me in the direction of home and I can be on my merry way."

"Why would you want to leave? Why we're just about to have our Unbirthday cake!" The March Bear added gleefully.

"Wot in the 'ell is an Unbirtday Cake?"

"Why, it's the cake you have on your Unbirthday!" The Hatter said, pouring another pot of tea into his sleeve. Pippy's blank stare cued him in to explain in a bit more detail. "Well, you see, thirty days hath November, April, June-wait. No, it's thirty days hath Petember, and… erm. What I mean to say is that you only have one birthday a year, correct?"

Pippy nodded, "And there's 365 days in a year? So what's one from 365?"

The rabbit crunched some numbers and counted on her little stubby paws, before responding, "364!"

"Precisely! So that means you've got 364 days that you could possibly have an Unbirtday on! And it just so happens that it's my Unbirthday today!"

"Why, it's MY Unbirthday today, Hatter!" The March Bear suddenly realized, and they readied to sing another song, before Pippy interrupted.

"That's dumb! Anyone could have an Unbirthday today! 'Ell, it's even MY Unbirthday today!"

The two madmen exchanged glances, and then looked at Pippy, before reeling back, and bellowing,

"A veeeery merry unbirtday, to YOOOOOOOOU!"

And before Pippy could react, they each thrust their hands forwards at her, the Hatter held out a cup of tea with a birthday candle sticking out of it, which she apprehensively blew out. Then, she looked to the March Bear, who was holding a small package. She undid the ribbon holding it together, and out popped Cub, this time holding a miniature top hat in a gingham plaid, like Pippy's dress. He yawned again, and blinked slowly, before he began his own drifting little song.

"Twinkly, twinkly little bat, how I wonder what you're at? Up above the world so high, like a tea tray in the sky…." He dozed off, slowly, until his head tilted forward, his hands still outstretched. Pippy figured she'd best just take the hat before it tumbled out of his hands. She plopped it in between her puffy ears and posed quickly,

"How do I look?"

The two applauded, and even Cub perked up quickly and tapped his hands together, before drifting off.

"You look top shelf!" The Hatter laughed, and elbowed the Bear playfully, who chuckled,

"As well groomed as the Queen's croquet grounds!" The two clapped, and laughed wildly, until the Hatter abruptly stopped, and grew wide eyed.

"What did you just say?" The Bear stopped as well, leaving Pippy baffled,

"About the Queen's Croquet grou… Dear me!" The Bear quickly began rifling through his coat, tossing aside handkerchiefs, bed sheets, ribbons and eventually a gold pocket watch, which he tosses to the Hatter. Panicked, he grabs a butter knife from a nearby plate of rolls, and pours a small jar of jam into the workings of the machine, before slathering it all over the gears, and clicking it shut.

The two nervously looked over the watch, and within moments they leapt up, and kicked up their feet, knocking nearly everything off the enormous tea table!

"We're late! The Queen will have our heads!" The Bear ran off first, but not before picking up Cub and sprinting off into the woods. The Hatter looked towards the Bear's route, then towards Pippy, and his eyes shot back and forth for a good minute before he grabbed her hand and shook it vigorously.

"I'm sorry for the trouble, but I have to go be hopefully not killed, good day bye!" He spat out the sentence so quickly that it seemed one long garbled word, and then sprinted off into the forest. Pippy would have normally been insulted that he'd run off without another word towards her, but she was more concerned with the fact that the Hatter hadn't let go of her hand yet!

"What are you doing?" She clung to his hand and her new hat with both hands, the lanky crocodile must have been running twenty miles per hour, and she wasn't about to let go.

"Sorry dearie, can't afford to waste time ending my handshake, the Queen will have both of our heads if we're late!"

It looked like, despite the Disco Kat's best efforts, Pippy was going to meet the Queen.

* * *

Whew! I had that story halfway finished for like, three weeks! Anyhoo, I'm still taking OCs for Happy Tree Camp!, if anyone's still interested, and I won't begin until everyone who wants to join, joins! Until then, stay beautiful !


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